a view from the other side

I had begun to feel like nothing would change. Like we would be forever stuck in an era of “These Uncertain Times” or what-the-fuck-ever. (There are many phrases I’d love to never hear again, thanks.) But of course, change happened. As it always does.

I found out just after New Year’s that I’m pregnant, due in late August. The way this timeline mirrors the pattern of the garden / the cycle of nature has me feeling content. Just as the outside world now, finally, shakes itself loose, leaves filling the trees, animals and insects active and noisy, my belly is growing bigger and rounder, and the baby– my daughter? I have one of those now?– kicks and moves.

(To balance this pastoral musing, let me also add: the first trimester sucked. Like the worst, most sickening hangover you can imagine, 24/7, for sixteen weeks.)

Though I wanted a child, I used to be afraid of how the process might change me. But then, obviously, all of last year happened, and I changed anyway. And wasn’t I a different person than I was years ago, even before March 2020? God, I hope so. To my past selves: thanks for your contribution, aaaand I never want to be you again.

So, “These Times” are starting to move on. I have hopes for the future, and right now isn’t so bad, either.

What else has happened since I last wrote here? Well…

-An essay of mine was published in Longridge Review.

-I started writing a novel (because sure! Why not undertake a big project in addition to making a person? I’m an ambitious gal).

-I’m trying to break my phone addiction. I managed to get my phone use way down last summer, but slid back into old habits. Luckily, the library is open again, so I browsed for a nice stack of books to read instead of getting sucked into the Bad Screen. So far it’s kind of working? I might need to do a book review sometime, though, because I have… comments.

That concludes our brief update. I hope to be back soon with one of my more usual, structured posts, but in the meantime, thanks for catching up.


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